3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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