i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.