david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
