I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!