this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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