3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf