i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
