I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sobbing to NWA
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
