lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
