I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
