I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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