I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize