before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
nutella sex= disaster
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
