I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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