hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.