so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
