The best revenge is premature balding
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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