I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
