there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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