Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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