For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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