Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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