I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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