you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
