i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
