she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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