the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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