oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
