so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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