It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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