my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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