boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
