God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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