Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
