You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
