Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
