i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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