My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
