I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
