tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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