I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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