we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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