I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
