Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
