i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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