If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
