i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
