hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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