He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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