weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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