We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
