DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
