Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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