Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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