ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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