I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
