I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
