next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
