I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
