The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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