I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
