me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
