When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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