Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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