Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
