I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
