last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
