Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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