I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
