Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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