Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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