I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
