I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
