I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
