No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
