This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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